Making every moment count: A motherless mother’s reflection

I’ve been sick all week and while I feel a million times better today than I did just a couple of days ago, I still want to stay curled up in my blankets. I woke up this morning with the plan of having a nice, relaxing night after picking Abby up from school. Then it hit me. The Home and School Association meeting that’s been cancelled twice because of snow was rescheduled for tonight. I wavered back and forth on going. It was something I was looking forward to and I had promised to go, but I was fairly certain that nobody would hold it against me if I stayed home because I didn’t feel well.

I decided to suck it up and go. I picked Abby up from school, stopped at the store for an economy sized back of throat lozenges, and took her to McDonald’s for dinner. We ate dinner and she did her homework before we hopped on a bus back up to school. Before we left the meeting another parent said to me, “we need more parents like you.” I thought about that on the way home. I throw myself into every school activity for my daughter that I am able to, and I enjoy it. The fact is that I’m the lucky one. I am grateful for so many opportunities to be a part of her education.

My mom was 33 years old when she died. The closer I get to that age, the more my own mortality stares me in the face. I don’t plan on going anywhere any time soon, but the truth is that you never know when something will happen. The thought of not watching my daughter grow up terrifies me, but there is nothing I can do about what will happen tomorrow. Today I can make the most of every possible second. I am fortunate enough to have a flexible schedule and I use that to every advantage I can.

Ideally, I will see my daughter graduate from high school. I will listen to hysterical phone calls during finals week in college. I’ll be her shoulder to cry on when she has her first heart-break. I’ll help her with her hair and make-up on her wedding day and I’ll hold her hand as she gives birth to her first child. Ideally, I’ll grow old surrounded by grandkids. There is nothing I want more than all of those things and I still hold onto the hope that I will have them.

The reality is that my mom wasn’t there for any of those things with me. The reality is that my mom had to work so much when I was a kid that she wasn’t able get as involved as she would have liked to. So yes, I am going to be damn sure that I make the most of every moment I have with my daughter. I will chaperone field trips. I will make her hug and kiss me every morning before walking through the gate to school. I will volunteer to help set up for school events. We’ll bake cookies together for holiday parties. And I’ll be exhausted . . . and I’ll be happy, because no matter what happens tomorrow, my daughter will always remember me as a constant positive influence in her life. She’ll remember my love, my smiles, my hugs and kisses. And take it from someone who knows, those memories are so incredibly important!

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One response to this post.

  1. Posted by Sebrina on October 12, 2012 at 4:43 pm

    You are a wonderful mother. That’s touching, and makes me tear up a little. You are a wonderful mother, and your daughter is so lucky. :’)

    Reply

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