Kids say the darndest things

I’ve spent a lot of time in the past few days talking and writing about some very serious and controversial issues. I need a break from all of that, so I thought today I would share some of my favorite anecdotes about my daughter. Light-hearted and fun is the plan for the day!

  • My daughter was 4 years old and she walked in on me as I was getting out of the shower. I had a towel wrapped around me and was looking in the mirror putting on face cream. She says to me, “I saw something on T.V. at daddy’s house that’s just for grown up girls.” That face you’re making right now? It’s the same one I was making.

I said, very calmly, “what did you see honey?”

“I can’t tell you because it’s a secret.” That horrified gasp you just made. Yeah, I made the same one.

“You don’t ever keep secrets from mommy. You can tell me anything. What did you see?”

She said, “I can’t. It’s a surprise.” I picked up the phone and told her that I was going to ask Poppa (her dad was living there at the time).

She finally sighed and said, “It was this stuff that you put on your eyes to make them longer and fuller.” Yup, it was a mascara commercial! Thanks for the heart attack kid!

  • A week or so ago, I’m on the train with Abby and she asked me if there were any foods that started with the letter Z. I told her that zucchini starts with Z. She starts hysterically laughing, so I asked her what was so funny. She said, “There are two zucchinis!”

“What?”

“There’s two zucchinis and one is almost like underwear!” followed by more hysterical laughter.

“Abby, what in the world are you talking about?”

She gives me an exasperated sigh and says, “You know. The zucchini that you wear for swimming, it’s almost like underwear.” At which point, I couldn’t stop laughing for about 5 minutes!

  • On my daughter’s first day of Pre-K, I was a wreck. She had never been away from me. Even when she was in day care as a baby, I taught pre-school down the hall. I held back the tears all morning. When I dropped her off, I spent a few minutes talking to her teacher. She tugs on my shirt, “Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy.”

“Yes Abby?”

“I think it’s time for you to go.” Brat!

  • My boyfriend has this need to catch my daughter in the act when she’s doing something wrong. It’s funny to watch.  If you’ve ever seen Phineas and Ferb, well he reminds me of Candace. Only instead of trying to bust his brothers, he’s trying to bust his girlfriend’s kid! He walks into her room one day and she is soaking wet, just head to toe drenched. He asked her if she was playing in the water in the bathroom. Without skipping a beat she says, “No. I was drinking my water and accidentally spilled it on the floor, then I fell in the water.” She’s definitely my kid, always an answer for everything!
  • A month ago Abby and I were watching Wizards of Waverly Place, the episode where Max brings out his conscience. Naturally, Abby asked me what a conscience is. I told her, “A conscience is that voice in your head that tells you when you something is right or wrong. It helps you make good decisions and keep you from doing things you’re not supposed to.” She responded with, “When my conscience is sleeping, I do bad things.”
  • My boyfriend’s black (that’ll become relevant shortly). A couple of years ago, Abby and I are sitting on the couch and my boyfriend leans over and kisses me on the cheek. Then he leans down to kiss my daughter on the cheek. She said, “No, I don’t want you to kiss me.”

“Why not?”

“Because of your skin.” Yeah, there’s that shock feeling again. My heart about fell into my stomach and all I kept thinking was ‘Hell no! Not my kid!’ But I was very calm and said, “What about his skin, honey?”

“It’s scratchy.” You got it. He has facial hair!

The first one and the last one are my favorites. The difference between the way kids think and adults think has always been interesting to me. I’ve told those stories several times and I’ve gotten the same reaction each time. Our brains naturally go to the worst possible explanation, when theirs is in a completely innocent spot!

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2 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by amber on March 7, 2011 at 1:37 pm

    Hahaha. I loved this. Abby seems like quite the character.

    “When my conscience is sleeping, I do bad things.”

    So great! I was literally LOL when I read the zucchini part.

    Reply

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