Unexpected revelations

This has been the easiest and the most difficult part of my journey to write out. It’s been easy because this was the clearest understanding that I have ever had in my spiritual progression. It’s been difficult because this is the first time that I have put some of these words to paper, or rather computer screen (aside from strictly Pagan circles).

I used to talk to my mom all the time. I’d lie in bed at night when everyone else in the house was asleep, and I’d just talk. I’d tell her everything about everything happening in my life. I’d feel very calm afterwards and just drift to sleep. Sometimes I would wake in the morning and for just a few moments, I’d forget that she was gone. Before I opened my eyes, I’d think I was still in my old bedroom. I could even smell the remnants of my mom’s morning coffee. Then I’d open my eyes and it would all dissipate into reality.

As my beliefs transformed, so did my ideas about what happens to us when we die. Reincarnation made sense to me. I equated being judged for all eternity on your lifetime actions to having your entire academic reputation rest on how well you performed in Kindergarten. The concept is pretty ludicrous to me. I’ve also had experiences and feelings that have led me to believe that I’ve been here before, another time, another place. A lot of people might think that’s hokey, but so be it. I also have no doubt in my mind that my mom is around me somewhere. I’ve felt her presence. I became very connected to the concept of the Summerlands, a place of rest for the soul between earthly incarnations.

I believe that our spirits grow constantly throughout not only our lives, but our deaths as well. Why should we cease to learn just because our bodies turn to ashes?

“We’re not here on this planet to ask forgiveness of our deities. This would be similar to apologizing to our stylist or barber because our hair just keeps on growing. The Earth is a classroom. We’re the students. Karma, life, ourselves, others, and the Goddess and God are the teachers, and we can’t always know the answers. Mistakes are a part of human life. Apologize all you want, if you wish, and if possible or necessary, correct them. Forgive yourself and move on.”

This is my favorite Scott Cunningham quote, and simply one of my favorite quotes ever. So poignantly sums up one of my core beliefs. We need to progress and move forward, to recognize our mistakes and do what’s necessary to correct them, but this does not mean that we live our lives in a constant state of guilt. I strive to do good things in the world around me. I have slipped up. I’ve been angry or jealous or hurt, and I’ve lashed out. But I’m human, and it’s bound to happen. I am forever learning.

I was nearing my college graduation when my belief system took another abrupt turn. I woke up one day (ok, maybe not quite that abrupt, but it sounds good) and asked myself why I insisted on calling myself a Christian. I only had one answer. It was all I knew. I didn’t know how to not call myself one.  The more I read about the ancient Pagan pantheons, the more Christianity as a religion began to fall apart for me. I can be insanely logical at times and it just wasn’t making sense anymore. I was reading stories that were thousands of years older than the New Testament, yet they mirrored those tales. I began to question why we call those ancient religions mythology and give so much more credit to the more modern belief systems. I still held Jesus of Nazareth in very high esteem. I still believed in the love and acceptance that he taught. I did not, however, believe that he was born of a virgin mother and was the literal son of God.

This was an extremely difficult revelation for me. I had to let go of a title I had since birth. I certainly couldn’t let my family know about this. There was already the underlying issue of me not being Catholic . . . my goodness, how would they take this?! To this day, I’ve resigned myself to just not talking about it with them. Of course, now that I’ve posted it on a public blog that I share with both real life and internet circles, I may have just opened myself up to some *fun* discussions.

Just a couple of months after my college graduation, Mike and I were engaged. The religion thing was a bit of an issue. My only concern was that he accepted me for who I was. He confessed one night that a part of him still wanted me to convert. I asked him why. He told me that he wanted me to feel what he felt when he was in church. I said, “But you don’t get it. I do feel that. I feel that every night that I walk under the stars. I feel that every day that I watch the leaves change on the trees. Every time I breathe in the nature that is all around, I feel that love.” He thought about that for some time and said that he got it, that he understood, and that he loved me no matter what path I was on. And two months later, while on vacation in Vegas, we were married.

Over the next several years, life changed quite a bit. I not only became a wife, but also a mother . . . and that brought on an ocean of new waves!

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7 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by poolman on March 16, 2011 at 4:35 pm

    This takes an interesting twist, Dayle. But not too uncommon in the grand scheme of things. We do know spirits are eternal. We do know spirits are able to occupy different beings. Clearly this is what occured in the biblical story where the demons went into the pigs and threw themselves off the cliff. Exactly where our spirits go when we die is not certain. Jesus told the one thief on the cross, “Today you will be with me in paradise.”

    But I will say as for me, I do believe Jesus was the first surrogate birth. God implanted the zygote or embryo in Mary where He grew and she gave Him birth. That has been confirmed in my spirit and falls in line with all scripture I have read. I have read many beyond the Bible, like Cave of Treasures, Book of Bee, Book of Enoch, Generations of Adam, etc. It is a shame that so much knowledge has been kept from us by man over the generations. Knowledge is power. 😉

    Reply

    • I thought a bit about how you might respond to this revelation of mine, though I believe that I had mentioned on a previous post that I have not called myself Christian for a long time . . . this just explains why. I have the utmost respect for your beliefs and your faith, as I do so many others. And I certainly don’t discount the possibility of it all being true . . . I just don’t know, and I don’t believe that I can know . . . hence the agnosticism. What I do know is that my character has not changed based on whatever title I have given myself, or what belief system I have followed . . . and in the end, all I think that matters is how we treat each other and the world around us. I don’t think a person needs to be a Christian to act Christ-like and I don’t think that all Christians do act Christ-like. Whatever I believe about Jesus’ divinity or origin of birth does not discount the value I put on what he had to teach the world.

      Reply

      • Posted by poolman on March 16, 2011 at 4:58 pm

        You might find this site interesting. http://www.elroy.net/ I have read most everything there and I find his works very insightful and sensical. Brian was a Christian and no longer is. Of course I haven’t caught up to any recent writings, so it is hard to know where his journey has led him.

        Reply

  2. So I read the “about the author” page and quite simply, I’m hooked 🙂 . . . Thank you for sharing the site with me. I am very much looking forward to reading his work!

    Reply

  3. Mr. Expert,

    Are you going to have a follow up post or article about this anytime soon? 🙂

    _______
    http://www.QSLaw.com

    Reply

  4. Posted by Marty on March 18, 2011 at 12:07 am

    Hi Dayle, I saw the blog post at 4 Simpsons blog and your comment. Looking forward to reading more from you.

    In addition to the link Poolman provided you, you may also be interested in the writings of Thom Stark: http://thomstark.net/

    One of his future book projects:
    Agnostic Christianity: A Faith Beyond Belief. Publisher pending.
    A treatise arguing that one must be an agnostic in order to have faith.

    Reply

    • Marty,

      I skimmed the Thom Stark page, and I am definitely interested in reading more! Thank you for sharing the link. 🙂

      Reply

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