A letter to my daughter

***I’ve been going through every old journal, notebook and binder over the past few days — I’ve been reading through old MySpace blogs — I’m collecting my poetry in hopes of putting together a book. In that process, I have come across several pieces, both poetry and prose, that make me feel just as I did when I wrote them. This is one of those pieces.***

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November 8, 2005 - Abby's 1st Birthday

Milestones are difficult . . . that’s pretty well-known. I used to think I had gotten through most of the major ones, but that all changed when you were born. All of a sudden there are a slew of firsts that are missed and with each one I find a new brand of pain. It’s not just about me anymore. My dear Abigail . . . I wish I could explain to you why you have to grow up without her in your life. I only hope I can make you feel as if you know her. God, how much she would adore you! The day the doctor told me she was sick again she took my hand and told me, “Don’t worry, I plan on being around to see my grandchildren.” And while, yes, I am sure she is here, it just isn’t the same.

It was quite sad on Samhain to see how many candles we had to light, but hers was, with good reason, the one that made me weep the longest. I held you in my arms as we watched the candles burn and while trying to focus on celebrating the life she had, I could not help thinking of what would be if she were here . . . of how much she would spoil you . . . of the smile on her face as she would look at you. I don’t care about the redundancy . . . it’s not fair.  I only hope that I can be half as good a mommy to you as she was to me.

~November, 12 2005

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14 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Ashley on October 4, 2011 at 9:46 pm

    Wow, that was touching…

    Reply

  2. You had me crying, Dayle, and I don’t cry. 🙂 That’s such a cute picture of Abby!

    Reply

  3. Awww, this is so sweet!

    Reply

  4. Amazing, Dayle. I love this line: “I find a new brand of pain”

    Reply

  5. Posted by Anita on October 8, 2011 at 6:47 pm

    It’s amazing how we see things through the eyes of our children. The things they could have had. The people that could have been in their lives. I see the same when I look at my daughter.

    I also write to my daughter, and I know one day she will be grateful, as will your sweet little Abby. Don’t be sad! You’re giving her something very precious, and she will be glad you did!

    Reply

    • ::Smile:: thank you!

      I have a journal where I write letters to Abby every so often. I’ve been keeping it since *before* I was pregnant . . . from the time we first started trying. I used to write in it weekly, now I’m lucky if I do it once a year . . . I need to get back to it!

      Reply

  6. What a beautiful letter, Dayle. It seems to speak to both Abigail and to your mother. I hope that you do continue to celebrate her life.

    Reply

  7. Dayle you are such an amazing mom. I’m going to come to you for mom lessons when the time is right. (If ever … :P)

    Reply

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