Just some thoughts from one of many moms whose heart is breaking

My daughter just left to go to her dad’s for the weekend and it’s taking every ounce of strength I have not to run out my door and go after her. I know she’s safe in her other home. I know she’s with people she loves and who love her. But I want her here, in front of me, in my arms, under my roof . . . where I can protect her.

We sat at the dining room table eating lunch this afternoon. We joked around and laughed. We talked about schools. I told Abby that by the time I was in 2nd grade, I was on my third elementary school. I told her how cool it was that she’s going to get to stay in the same school through 8th grade and then she can decide what high school she wants to go to or apply to. She asked if there was a high school that focused on marine biology. I told her that I would research to find one that was focused on sciences. She was excited. I laughed and told her to calm down . . . she still has 6 years before we have to worry about it!

After lunch, I sat down at my computer to check my email and scroll through Facebook. I saw a couple of statuses about a gunman and a school and teachers and kids who were shot. My chest got tight. I kept scrolling and found the articles. My hands were shaking as I read about what happened in Newtown, Connecticut. It was difficult to breathe and I couldn’t stop crying.

I looked over at my daughter – still sitting at the dining room table using chalk pastels to draw pictures of the TARDIS and Christmas trees. She was off from school today because of report card conferences. I called her over and held her tightly and kissed her head. She asked me why I was crying. I told her that some people were hurt today and that I was really sad. I told her that I love her more than anything in the world, that I will always love her. She smiled and told me about her teacher who likes Doctor Who too. My arms were still wrapped around her. I never wanted to let go.

There are so many things we take for granted . . . and there are so many things we should be able to take for granted, like our children’s safety when they go to school and that they will finish elementary and middle school and go on to high school and college.

There is so much sadness and worry and fear in my heart tonight. I cannot imagine what the parents of Sandy Hook Elementary School are going through right now. I want to wrap them all in hugs. I want to make the hurt and the violence and the evilness all go away. I want to bring their babies back.

And I want to go to bed tonight knowing that my daughter will grow up and have a chance to fulfill all of her dreams.


8 responses to this post.

  1. I can’t even imagine what the parents and families of these kids and faculty are going through right now…And I can’t imagine what any Mom with a child at home feels like when things like this happen. 😦 But I have lost family before and I can understand that…..This is such a horrible tragedy and so close to Christmas. 😦 My heart goes out to everyone involved in this tragedy and I think everyone should make sure to let ALL loved ones in their life know how much they are loved because we are never guaranteed a tomorrow.


  2. I felt the same way when I saw the tragedy. Hugs to you, too. You have a wonderful heart!


  3. Posted by Karen on December 14, 2012 at 7:54 pm

    ❤ very sad day


  4. Dayle, I, too, felt the same way. My middle son was supposed to go to his first sleep-over tonight. I told the mom that I didn’t think I could let him go. She assured me that he would be fine. She didn’t get it–I just wanted him near me, to be able to hug him, to watch him eat his dinner, to listen to him talk about his day at school. I took him anyway. He was not feeling what I felt and no need to scare him. My youngest son, on the other hand, was home when I learned of the tragedy, and my tears scared him. He wouldn’t play outside unless I was there and he was right by my side most of the day. I want him to feel perfectly safe, but there are no guarantees. I just need to pray that I will help him feel safe and secure. And, of course, I am praying for the parents, teachers and students who have suffered that for which I don’t have words.


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