I’m beginning to question this whole blog-every-day thing. I’m 3 months in to my 1-year goal and I’m feeling a bit burnt out. I don’t want to post a bunch of drivel. I don’t want this blog to pile up with written excrement. And I just don’t always feel like writing anything at all.
Sometimes the days and weeks are long and the idea of stringing together a coherent thought, much less something thought-provoking and meaningful, is enough make me long for cold pillows and warm blankets. Sometimes I’ve spent so much time online working (and yeah, putzing around) that I just want to slam the laptop closed and walk away. Sometimes no matter how many words I put on a page, nothing seems to come out properly and I question my abilities as a writer.
Sometimes I just don’t want to write. I don’t want to blog. And really, what’s the big deal if I don’t? The world won’t crumble to pieces if I skip a day blogging. Hell, I doubt many (anyone?) would notice. So what’s the purpose of this everyday blogging goal?
The more I think about it, the answer’s pretty simple – the more I write . . . well, the more I write. The fact that I’m blurting out this random nothingness right now means that I had to actually sit in front of my computer screen and open up a Word doc. When it’s finished, I’ll save it in the April 2013 folder, which is pretty damn close to my poetry folder and my short story folder and my novel folder. And going through this whole process makes me more likely to open up one of those folders and start working.
I first started this blog just over two years ago because I was really starting to focus on a freelance career, but I had few samples under my belt. It had been years since I had written regularly and I thought this would help. And it has . . . in more ways than I had intended.
I’ve come to love the blogging world. I love the interaction . . . the ability to connect with people on such a personal level in a way that’s (mostly) comfortable for me and my whole social anxiety thing. I love the community. I’ve met some truly amazing people all because of blogging.
Blogging has also awakened every part of my writing spirit, which has lain dormant for so long. Just the act of writing, of blogging, makes me want to write more. Whether I’m blogging about my family or about important political issues or books and movies or just answering silly meme questions, it keeps me constantly thinking about words . . . and this act of blogging is going to help me stop half-assing it through my books . . . to actually finish one or two or all three of them . . . I’ve even started looking at publishers for one that is almost complete.
So even though tonight is one of those times I would rather close the laptop and walk away, I decided to blog anyway. I used to be forced to write several times a day . . . and then I would go home and write some more because once I start, I feel the need to keep going.
Maybe it’s not imperative that I skip zero days of blogging over the course of a year, but it’s an exercise in dedication, in building a habit . . . some kind of routine and commitment . . . and while sometimes what I write will be drivel, it will also be a step towards something better.